My ode to Gossip Girl...

I wanna be a New Yorker.

I wanna live in a tall glass tower, where the wallpaper is covered in textures flowers and there’s not only bathrooms but a room dedicated to one big shower.

I wanna be Queen B. I wanna prance around my expensive private school with everyone worshipping me. I wanna get over heartbreaks in the company of my maid watching re-runs of Glee. I wanna own the shops on 34^th street.

I want a man as complex as Chuck Bass, the air to the Empire and settles for nothing less than 5 class. I want to eat in the most expensive joints and watch the celebrities pass, I want a pair of Chanel jeans just for the logo on my ass.

I wanna throw parties just because I can, fly to Paris for a custom made dress and grab a pair of heels from Milan. I want a stylist like Gok-Wan, be admired by the press on the arm of my Forbes list man.

I wanna feature on a blog where the city relishes on my drama, I want a loyal best friend and clique acting as human armour. I want to own a yacht, waiting for me to take it out on the harbour and twiddle my thumbs about who’s the lucky father.

But I’ve gotta admit, if this lifestyle is as exhausting to live as this poem is to write, then I wanna stay in Birmingham, snuggled up with my cats every night. I’d maybe trade a moment to sparkle in the limelight but at the end of the day I think my life is just fine.

I like my deep green garden and my hilly view and I adore my knock-off unfashionably comfortable ankle boots.

I like my quant welcoming room and my quiet street, not that I’d say no to a day shopping with the elite.

I like how my life isn’t sprawled online for the world to see,

You know…I’m happy being me.

Yesterday Morning...

The morning air is different, it's virgin, has a sense of freshness to it. It's a pity it wasn't until my last morning I actually felt like I was in Majorca. Leaving the world to their dreams as I catch the sunrise on the sand. 

Watching it float above the ocean. 

Listening to the soft whispers of the sea. 

Breathing in my surrounding atmosphere tasting salt with a hint of adventure.

I gaze up towards the mountains on my left and wonder about the many missed walks I could have taken. This place is wonderfully beautiful and I've seen so little of it. The sky is painted blue with long forgotten evenings, a plane above me inking a white trail, reminding me that my flight is in less than 24 hours now. My heart gasps in a sudden plea for more time. There's so much more I wish I could have done, though I guess this only feeds my desire for travel. I sit and list the many places I have yet to see and smile subtly at my first holiday alone (well without any parent or guardian).

I was trusted to come back in one piece and I return in two. One girl who has seen so much and one who's seeking is not yet through.

Smile

"Smile though your heart is aching

Smile even though it's breaking."

                                                  ~ Charlie Chaplin


Being surrounded by so many talented people can be both a blessing and a curse. No matter how considerate or humble a person is, the pain of not being good enough will always hurt just as much as it did the first time. 

It is so hard not to blame individuals who were chosen over you. If you walk into a friendship group made up of those working the same field as you, then you need to prepare yourself for these situations. You need to remind yourself each and every day that you are all different, you are all talented in your own right and no competition, title, fan club, organisation or opinion can take that away from you.

There will come a time where you need to take your turn in the back seat whilst they venture out under the super trouper's rage. You will need to make sacrifices, you will need to be considerate and you will need to remember that your success does not define you. And hopefully one day they will do the same for you. 

When they gain an opportunity over you, remind yourself they have the right to feel proud of themselves too, just like you would. And as a friend you should feel proud of them, because if the roles were reversed, remind yourself of how much you would want them to support you with your achievements. 

Smiling even though your heart is aching is one of the hardest things to do, but remind yourself that there is no point in crying, smiling makes life more worthwhile. As some famously talented guy once said.