My ode to Gossip Girl...

I wanna be a New Yorker.

I wanna live in a tall glass tower, where the wallpaper is covered in textures flowers and there’s not only bathrooms but a room dedicated to one big shower.

I wanna be Queen B. I wanna prance around my expensive private school with everyone worshipping me. I wanna get over heartbreaks in the company of my maid watching re-runs of Glee. I wanna own the shops on 34^th street.

I want a man as complex as Chuck Bass, the air to the Empire and settles for nothing less than 5 class. I want to eat in the most expensive joints and watch the celebrities pass, I want a pair of Chanel jeans just for the logo on my ass.

I wanna throw parties just because I can, fly to Paris for a custom made dress and grab a pair of heels from Milan. I want a stylist like Gok-Wan, be admired by the press on the arm of my Forbes list man.

I wanna feature on a blog where the city relishes on my drama, I want a loyal best friend and clique acting as human armour. I want to own a yacht, waiting for me to take it out on the harbour and twiddle my thumbs about who’s the lucky father.

But I’ve gotta admit, if this lifestyle is as exhausting to live as this poem is to write, then I wanna stay in Birmingham, snuggled up with my cats every night. I’d maybe trade a moment to sparkle in the limelight but at the end of the day I think my life is just fine.

I like my deep green garden and my hilly view and I adore my knock-off unfashionably comfortable ankle boots.

I like my quant welcoming room and my quiet street, not that I’d say no to a day shopping with the elite.

I like how my life isn’t sprawled online for the world to see,

You know…I’m happy being me.

Yesterday Morning...

The morning air is different, it's virgin, has a sense of freshness to it. It's a pity it wasn't until my last morning I actually felt like I was in Majorca. Leaving the world to their dreams as I catch the sunrise on the sand. 

Watching it float above the ocean. 

Listening to the soft whispers of the sea. 

Breathing in my surrounding atmosphere tasting salt with a hint of adventure.

I gaze up towards the mountains on my left and wonder about the many missed walks I could have taken. This place is wonderfully beautiful and I've seen so little of it. The sky is painted blue with long forgotten evenings, a plane above me inking a white trail, reminding me that my flight is in less than 24 hours now. My heart gasps in a sudden plea for more time. There's so much more I wish I could have done, though I guess this only feeds my desire for travel. I sit and list the many places I have yet to see and smile subtly at my first holiday alone (well without any parent or guardian).

I was trusted to come back in one piece and I return in two. One girl who has seen so much and one who's seeking is not yet through.

Fuzzy Socks and Wrap-Around scarves

Breathe in the crisp air,
August quickly fades away,
Welcoming cold days.

Numb fingers wrapped,
Around coffee scented mugs,
Many books to read.

Warm, knitted jumpers,
Fuzzy socks, wrap-around scarves,
Goodbye summer days.

Him

He had the stars on his back,

One thousand suns, yet he still saw himself as ordinary.

Eyes shielded by lowered lids, masking bright blue brilliance, buried treasure in the sunlit sea,

lips parted by thought, dribbling uniquely crafted prose, pondering the once dull air,

and hands held high with hope, carrying a beacon of imagination for those who claim no cares.

A mind moulded with memories and mannerisms of a mindless child,

Welcome to weapons of wonderment, standing fearless before long anticipating audiences,

Laughing playfully as they linger upon every hand picked word.

Baring his soul before the masses, each admirer taking home stories of a man who was born to write,

Four-twenty and forever a seasick soul fishing for poems under a starburst sky.

Smile

"Smile though your heart is aching

Smile even though it's breaking."

                                                  ~ Charlie Chaplin


Being surrounded by so many talented people can be both a blessing and a curse. No matter how considerate or humble a person is, the pain of not being good enough will always hurt just as much as it did the first time. 

It is so hard not to blame individuals who were chosen over you. If you walk into a friendship group made up of those working the same field as you, then you need to prepare yourself for these situations. You need to remind yourself each and every day that you are all different, you are all talented in your own right and no competition, title, fan club, organisation or opinion can take that away from you.

There will come a time where you need to take your turn in the back seat whilst they venture out under the super trouper's rage. You will need to make sacrifices, you will need to be considerate and you will need to remember that your success does not define you. And hopefully one day they will do the same for you. 

When they gain an opportunity over you, remind yourself they have the right to feel proud of themselves too, just like you would. And as a friend you should feel proud of them, because if the roles were reversed, remind yourself of how much you would want them to support you with your achievements. 

Smiling even though your heart is aching is one of the hardest things to do, but remind yourself that there is no point in crying, smiling makes life more worthwhile. As some famously talented guy once said. 

Moments

Life is short and uncertain. It's like a thread of moments, woven together into one beautiful story, and we all have one. No matter how hard someone's chapter becomes, there's still a silver lining after every page. Like the sunrise, like how green the grass is after a thunderstorm, like the city skyline and the lingering smell of perfume your mother leaves down the stairs before she goes out.

It's 2am and I can't sleep, panicked over the fact that in a moment this will all be gone. My bed, my clothes, my room, my beautiful furry little companion sat beside me (bella my kitty). And when it is, what do I leave behind? In 100 years time, will anyone know who I am? Or who you are?

But then I remember, I'm not living for anyone else, I'm not living for a legacy, I'm living for me. So in 100 years time if no one remembers my name, I've seen the sunset along the shore with my toes in the sand on San Antonio Bay and that's good enough for me. And for a day have you ever tried living like every moment is your last? Try it, it's like a permanent high. The air feels so much fresher, the buildings become new again, the cars suddenly become so much more spectacular and the people...there are so many people. Ever thought about that? There's millions of them, they all have thoughts, stories, loved ones, pain, excitement, dreams and a past. Sometimes I forget that and feel like I'm the only person in the world with a running conscience, like no one else talks to themselves. Spectacular isn't it? How we all have thoughts...

Back to my point....moments...this is one. Right now you're reading this and in a moment you won't. Wonder if it's made any difference to your life. It's just a few sentences strung together....like moments....a thread of moments, woven together into one beautiful story, and we all have one.

Beautiful Birmingham

We spend so much of our time rushing, we forget to stop and look at what's around us.

There was a moment today where I sat on the edge of the fountain in Victoria Square with a loved one and actually spared a moment to take in my surroundings. Birmingham City Centre is such a beautiful place. I often see it so busy, there's usually a constant flow of traffic, tourists and residents bustling through the streets. The faint sounds of buskers lighting the summer air and the chatter of people immersed in crowds surging towards various destinations.

It was around 7pm and the city had finally simmered down, welcoming the glimmers of a peaceful summer evening. The two of us sat there and admired the carvings decorating the Town Hall and contemplated who and what occupied the many beautiful buildings surrounding us.

At one point a strange man (who had once ruffled my boyfriend's hair) approached us and the both of us simultaneously sighed, probably a little unfairly, as we both just assumed he would ask for money. However we were pleasantly surprised at the fact he just came over and spoke to us. Strange isn't it? To think that strangers rarely ever feel comfortable merely speaking to one another. He spoke happily about what a glorious day it had been how down he feels when it rains. He questioned what we were up to and was honestly interested to know what we thought about a film we had just gone to see in the cinema (22 jump street btw- bloody brilliant). As he left, the both of us smiled and agreed that we were genuinely happy that he wanted to come and speak to us.

As we walked slowly to our bus stops we looked around and grinned at the wonderful buildings planted along the city streets and were excited at the thought of what and who were nested behind their doors.

There is so much history in this city and so much yet to discover, I am thoroughly looking forward to more lazy summer evenings where I can discover more of my home town one small adventure at a time.