Cardboard Surfboards

There was a field by my old house; we called it the green,

There were 3 large hills and for any child it was a picture perfect scene,

The days I remember the most was when we played hide and seek,

Sam and me ran straight for the Green and I spotted something I never expected to see,

There were blue berry bushes everywhere, enough to fill our sweaters 10 times over,

Mums face when she saw the state of my clothes but that still didn’t stop us,

And I remember the day Simone’s mom was moving out and let us play with some left over boxes,

We tore the cardboard into surfboards, picked the biggest hill on the green and ran straight for the top of it,

It had rained the night before, so this was gonna be messy,

“It will make sliding down that much easier though” was how Sam convinced me into it,

I balanced my cardboard surfboard on the edge and refused to look down,

What’s the worst that could happen? Mom can’t ship me to India now,

And so I skied the hills length on a sheet of flimsy card,

It was stupid, reckless even, but I had never laughed so hard.

As my screams shifted to joy I thought, nothing could beat this.

The green was everything to us; I dunno what we’d do without it.

The new playground was cool, but the green would always remain the best.

Could have skied the hills until the sun began to set.

A few years later I learnt to ride my bike on the very same grass,

The green was the only place I felt safe because the fields stopped me rolling too fast,

And not long later, I started my first dance academy,

Tap, ballet, jazz and gymnastics,

And Sam was trying to teach me all the moves, though she secretly didn’t have a clue,

She claimed to be an ex-gymnastics champion at 10 you see, that’s how she knew everything I was about to do,

And we would have cartwheeled on the green all day, but mum soon called me in,

She laid dinner on the table and just as I was about to tuck in…

“They’re taking the green down you know” she mumbled and watched my smile fall,

They were taking down our hills, our blue berry bushes and fields; they were taking it all,

The night before work was due to start, mum let us stay out extra late,

Looked like every kid in the area had the same idea, they were all over the place.

We all lay on memorable spots on the green, looking up at the stars appreciating every moment of this,

Sharing stories about our adventures and regretting the many other things we could have done,

Feeling sunrise creep closer and closer, knowing that in a few days this would all be gone.

To everyone else it was just a bit of Green, for every child in that district of Selly Oak it was everything.

And now stands a development of new state of the art houses,

They’re beautiful, but nothing compared to what was torn down in the early 2000s

Went to visit it the other day, saw they took down our favourite tree,

We carved our names in the trunk. Guess there’s nothing left of little Sam and little me.

My ode to Gossip Girl...

I wanna be a New Yorker.

I wanna live in a tall glass tower, where the wallpaper is covered in textures flowers and there’s not only bathrooms but a room dedicated to one big shower.

I wanna be Queen B. I wanna prance around my expensive private school with everyone worshipping me. I wanna get over heartbreaks in the company of my maid watching re-runs of Glee. I wanna own the shops on 34^th street.

I want a man as complex as Chuck Bass, the air to the Empire and settles for nothing less than 5 class. I want to eat in the most expensive joints and watch the celebrities pass, I want a pair of Chanel jeans just for the logo on my ass.

I wanna throw parties just because I can, fly to Paris for a custom made dress and grab a pair of heels from Milan. I want a stylist like Gok-Wan, be admired by the press on the arm of my Forbes list man.

I wanna feature on a blog where the city relishes on my drama, I want a loyal best friend and clique acting as human armour. I want to own a yacht, waiting for me to take it out on the harbour and twiddle my thumbs about who’s the lucky father.

But I’ve gotta admit, if this lifestyle is as exhausting to live as this poem is to write, then I wanna stay in Birmingham, snuggled up with my cats every night. I’d maybe trade a moment to sparkle in the limelight but at the end of the day I think my life is just fine.

I like my deep green garden and my hilly view and I adore my knock-off unfashionably comfortable ankle boots.

I like my quant welcoming room and my quiet street, not that I’d say no to a day shopping with the elite.

I like how my life isn’t sprawled online for the world to see,

You know…I’m happy being me.

Yesterday Morning...

The morning air is different, it's virgin, has a sense of freshness to it. It's a pity it wasn't until my last morning I actually felt like I was in Majorca. Leaving the world to their dreams as I catch the sunrise on the sand. 

Watching it float above the ocean. 

Listening to the soft whispers of the sea. 

Breathing in my surrounding atmosphere tasting salt with a hint of adventure.

I gaze up towards the mountains on my left and wonder about the many missed walks I could have taken. This place is wonderfully beautiful and I've seen so little of it. The sky is painted blue with long forgotten evenings, a plane above me inking a white trail, reminding me that my flight is in less than 24 hours now. My heart gasps in a sudden plea for more time. There's so much more I wish I could have done, though I guess this only feeds my desire for travel. I sit and list the many places I have yet to see and smile subtly at my first holiday alone (well without any parent or guardian).

I was trusted to come back in one piece and I return in two. One girl who has seen so much and one who's seeking is not yet through.

Fuzzy Socks and Wrap-Around scarves

Breathe in the crisp air,
August quickly fades away,
Welcoming cold days.

Numb fingers wrapped,
Around coffee scented mugs,
Many books to read.

Warm, knitted jumpers,
Fuzzy socks, wrap-around scarves,
Goodbye summer days.

Him

He had the stars on his back,

One thousand suns, yet he still saw himself as ordinary.

Eyes shielded by lowered lids, masking bright blue brilliance, buried treasure in the sunlit sea,

lips parted by thought, dribbling uniquely crafted prose, pondering the once dull air,

and hands held high with hope, carrying a beacon of imagination for those who claim no cares.

A mind moulded with memories and mannerisms of a mindless child,

Welcome to weapons of wonderment, standing fearless before long anticipating audiences,

Laughing playfully as they linger upon every hand picked word.

Baring his soul before the masses, each admirer taking home stories of a man who was born to write,

Four-twenty and forever a seasick soul fishing for poems under a starburst sky.

Smile

"Smile though your heart is aching

Smile even though it's breaking."

                                                  ~ Charlie Chaplin


Being surrounded by so many talented people can be both a blessing and a curse. No matter how considerate or humble a person is, the pain of not being good enough will always hurt just as much as it did the first time. 

It is so hard not to blame individuals who were chosen over you. If you walk into a friendship group made up of those working the same field as you, then you need to prepare yourself for these situations. You need to remind yourself each and every day that you are all different, you are all talented in your own right and no competition, title, fan club, organisation or opinion can take that away from you.

There will come a time where you need to take your turn in the back seat whilst they venture out under the super trouper's rage. You will need to make sacrifices, you will need to be considerate and you will need to remember that your success does not define you. And hopefully one day they will do the same for you. 

When they gain an opportunity over you, remind yourself they have the right to feel proud of themselves too, just like you would. And as a friend you should feel proud of them, because if the roles were reversed, remind yourself of how much you would want them to support you with your achievements. 

Smiling even though your heart is aching is one of the hardest things to do, but remind yourself that there is no point in crying, smiling makes life more worthwhile. As some famously talented guy once said. 

Moments

Life is short and uncertain. It's like a thread of moments, woven together into one beautiful story, and we all have one. No matter how hard someone's chapter becomes, there's still a silver lining after every page. Like the sunrise, like how green the grass is after a thunderstorm, like the city skyline and the lingering smell of perfume your mother leaves down the stairs before she goes out.

It's 2am and I can't sleep, panicked over the fact that in a moment this will all be gone. My bed, my clothes, my room, my beautiful furry little companion sat beside me (bella my kitty). And when it is, what do I leave behind? In 100 years time, will anyone know who I am? Or who you are?

But then I remember, I'm not living for anyone else, I'm not living for a legacy, I'm living for me. So in 100 years time if no one remembers my name, I've seen the sunset along the shore with my toes in the sand on San Antonio Bay and that's good enough for me. And for a day have you ever tried living like every moment is your last? Try it, it's like a permanent high. The air feels so much fresher, the buildings become new again, the cars suddenly become so much more spectacular and the people...there are so many people. Ever thought about that? There's millions of them, they all have thoughts, stories, loved ones, pain, excitement, dreams and a past. Sometimes I forget that and feel like I'm the only person in the world with a running conscience, like no one else talks to themselves. Spectacular isn't it? How we all have thoughts...

Back to my point....moments...this is one. Right now you're reading this and in a moment you won't. Wonder if it's made any difference to your life. It's just a few sentences strung together....like moments....a thread of moments, woven together into one beautiful story, and we all have one.

Beautiful Birmingham

We spend so much of our time rushing, we forget to stop and look at what's around us.

There was a moment today where I sat on the edge of the fountain in Victoria Square with a loved one and actually spared a moment to take in my surroundings. Birmingham City Centre is such a beautiful place. I often see it so busy, there's usually a constant flow of traffic, tourists and residents bustling through the streets. The faint sounds of buskers lighting the summer air and the chatter of people immersed in crowds surging towards various destinations.

It was around 7pm and the city had finally simmered down, welcoming the glimmers of a peaceful summer evening. The two of us sat there and admired the carvings decorating the Town Hall and contemplated who and what occupied the many beautiful buildings surrounding us.

At one point a strange man (who had once ruffled my boyfriend's hair) approached us and the both of us simultaneously sighed, probably a little unfairly, as we both just assumed he would ask for money. However we were pleasantly surprised at the fact he just came over and spoke to us. Strange isn't it? To think that strangers rarely ever feel comfortable merely speaking to one another. He spoke happily about what a glorious day it had been how down he feels when it rains. He questioned what we were up to and was honestly interested to know what we thought about a film we had just gone to see in the cinema (22 jump street btw- bloody brilliant). As he left, the both of us smiled and agreed that we were genuinely happy that he wanted to come and speak to us.

As we walked slowly to our bus stops we looked around and grinned at the wonderful buildings planted along the city streets and were excited at the thought of what and who were nested behind their doors.

There is so much history in this city and so much yet to discover, I am thoroughly looking forward to more lazy summer evenings where I can discover more of my home town one small adventure at a time.

Dear reader...

Take away my phone, take away my computer, and give me a pen and a single sheet of paper.

I will write you a letter.

Now I don’t know about you…but the only letters I receive are bad news, bills and more bad news.

But imagine one dull, completely normal and not very spectacular morning. The sky is a cloak of grey. Imagine the still air, not a single song, no birds today. Your alarm rings and the little person in your head is screaming again and again to get up and all you want to do is shut away the world in tiny safe for a day….and swallow the key….but suddenly….

Imagine this dreary morning, one letter changes everything.

Imagine this letter is written on the smoothest paper you have ever touched, the words as you trail over them indent passion into the page….and here is how it begins:

The weather is nice today. If it is grey, great because there are only blue skies to look forward to. 

If there are blue skies and sunshine then look up and devour an ocean that will never fall. 

If it is raining step outside and feel the sky cry. Feel the tears of joy because the clouds have just witnessed a mother lay eyes on her new born baby. Feel the tears of sadness because the stars have just seen yet another girl being dragged from her bed to fulfil the needs of a man twice her age. If the sky splashes lightening and throws down a handful of thunder then appreciate that you’re stood there with a roof over your head whilst the Palestinian cries because there’s no home left.

Treasure the searing sound of your alarm at 6:30am and appreciate the fact that you actually woke up and that the searing sounds weren’t screams of the tortured or bombs blasting an entire village into an eternal sleep….

Sleep in a bed woven in safety and comfort,

And how about the next time you’re on your way, carrying out your ordinary day, you actually take in the colours. Stop moaning for summer because there’s so much of every season to discover.

And view rush hour traffic jams as an unwanted gifts from the city, but a gift none the less. We speed down the roads so fast we hardly soak in the view surrounding us. Like how people actually built the buildings around us, how the streets once didn’t exist and how at night the street lights wouldn’t pave the way so nightlife had a completely different meaning.

Go back to believing the moon follows your car only to watch if you got home safely and know that if you’re ever feeling lonely, then she’ll be there, guiding you to the ends of the earth until the sun takes over and embraces you into a ray of warmth even if white smoke escaping your breath on a winter morning stops you from feeling it.

Are you seeing this?

“The best portion of a good man’s life: his little, nameless unremembered acts of kindness and love” now these are words of worth.

Hold the door open for a following stranger and thank those who are kind in return,

Smile because laughter and joy dance in the corner of your lips like a forbidden kiss.

And for a moment just enjoy being you, and know that nobody else could do it better,

Follow your dreams, be a go getter.

Surround yourself with positivity and positivity will surround itself with you,

Light a candle on a cold winter’s morning and lose yourself in secret stories, around campfires with friends in the summer glory.

You’re breathing, you’re alive and you have so much potential,

I already know you can be, but show the rest of the world you’re incredible.

Wishing you the kindest moments and unforgettable pleasures,

Yours sincerely

Taking a Leap of Faith

Too often we're told all the reasons we can't do something. Recently I've had the incredible fortune of meeting so many brave individuals who have advised me to just "go for it". No matter the dream or ambition.

I'm a worrier, so one of those people who have to sit down and plan one action over and over again before I even attempt making thoughts a possibility. Though organisation is a vital skill to have and will greatly support you in the future especially with management and planning, it can also act as safety mechanism, stopping you from taking that leap of faith.

So say you have an idea, an idea you feel will make a difference in society. Share your idea, gather a force of volunteers...people are looking for something to do! They will help you, just ask. Then establish your idea. I've spent a year debating whether I should turn my initiative into an organisation in it's own right, after much sought after advice, I came to the conclusion...all I need is a few hours and a little bit of patience and I'm pretty much there.

I fathomed for a ridiculous amount of time whether I should pitch for funding....I sent off an application last week...I have a debit card and bank account with a £500 grant in it this week. Though it may not seem like much, it is enough to start up my first event, my first steps into this world as the owner of a rising ambition.

Life is far too short not to carry out your dreams, the worst situation to be in, is when you look back and regret all the things you never managed to do. You never want to be in the position where you have to say to yourself "it's too late".

So make a list of 5 things you want to have done before the end of this year and do them! Be sensible though, visiting every country in the world in one year might be a bit stretched- one step at a time. But creating a manageable list is definitely a thought to excite yourself over...good luck catching dreams!

10 ways to achieve happiness

We all have those days where we feel unappreciated, depressed, like the world around us is falling apart and we regrettably envy those who always seem to be doing so much better.

Wanna know a secret? They all feel like this too on occasion.

The first thing to remember about happiness is, no one is happy all the time. No one.

If you were always happy, there'd be nothing to look forward to, nothing to treasure whilst it lasted. I firmly believe we're brought down to appreciate the times we sit at the top.

• Be confident in yourself. Appreciate everything that makes you different and unique. They don't always have to be embarrassing qualities you hide away, when you embrace yourself so will everyone else. Like how I have jet black hair. So often I moaned about how dull I thought it was, how when I wore a black top my hair could barely be noticed. Last summer I even coloured it slightly just to fight the darkness. However looking back at old photographs, my long, healthy jet black hair contributed to my image. It didn't have to be boring but alluring and exciting. Why would I cloak it in colours when the night sky could be just as beautiful as daylight? 

• Take in the compliments you are given. The majority of the time, people won't compliment you if they don't mean it- they just won't waste their time. Upon first stepping into the spoken word scene, it depressed me how unfamiliar with word play I was. How my poetry didn't entice people with a complex rhythm, with vast alliterations and clever word play. I was ashamed of the simple approach I had always taken and felt my writing was too straightforward. What I didn't realise though was, people appreciated my words because they enjoyed the simplicity of the story-telling. They liked how I chose to spend my time painting a picture with sentences instead of carving a puzzle for my audience to solve. I often spent far too much time looking at how my poetry was simple and not enough time looking at how it was different and unique in it's own right. 

• There are so many aspects about myself I'm insecure about. When I actually sit down and list them, I realise just how silly they are. Like how I constantly feared people questioning my uncanny blossom of baby hair decorating my hairline, when in reality, it could barely be seen and the majority had no clue what baby hair was. The select few who did notice the unfortunate fluff clinging to the tip of my forehead thought it was cute and had no idea why I highlighted it as such a pain. This of course is just one of many examples, but as you go down the list you realise...many insecurities are honestly not worth the worry.

• Take on constructive criticism as ways to flourish and not a list of your worst traits and features.This is probably one of the hardest things to do- as not everyone can so easily take to hearing negative criticism, however it only becomes negative when there is no room for improvement. We evolve everyday, we constantly find new ways to improve and nobody is ever perfect. See these points for improvement from others as extra help,after all, like in school, it is always easier to improve your grades when your teacher highlights areas where you haven't quite shown your full potential. Saying this though there is a huge difference between constructive criticism and just plain rude, negative and unhelpful criticism. This you DON'T have to listen to. No one has any right to judge another person, they are by no means perfect. My best advice for this is to just ignore. 

• NEVER forget how lucky you are. Everyday try and list 5 things you should be grateful for. This can be from the fact you have a roof over your head and food on the table to the loyal, supportive and caring loved ones surrounding you. It can even be as simple as the fact you actually woke up this morning and have yet another day to look forward to.

• Most of us spend the majority of our day at work. Doing something you don't enjoy takes it's toll on your happiness. However we have three options. Stay miserable, quit....or find aspects within our job to be grateful for. Maybe it's the location? The view from your office? The people who surround you, who make your day go that much faster? The stability? The financial aspect of the job and how you know after working a certain amount of time you'd be able to afford a holiday? A house? A car? You'll find changing your view point on a particular task can transform how this task makes you feel.

• When you're feeling down, lose yourself in your hobbies/interests. I often find after a tough day I like to come home, snuggle up in bed with a cuppa and watch my favourite TV shows. I enjoy the escape of watching a film, show or reading a book. An escape for many people can vary from going for a run, using music as an escape or even just sleeping off a tough day. Take your time and experiment with what works best for you and you know then no matter how tough the battles of the day get, your wars will wash away with the tide if only for a little while when you escape.

• Create a routine. This doesn't work for everyone, as some feel a routine restrains creativity. Although for me, my routine keeps me at ease. For example: I know the first thing I have to look forward to when I wake up is going for my daily run. This is something I've started recently, however it not only excites me but it's my daily dose of meditation. My run helps me plan out my day as I often run through my to do list- see what I did there? Run? Anywayyyy....I then have a good hearty breakfast followed by my shower and I know then I'm wide awake, prepped and ready for work. I also find that waking up for a run is far less stressful than waking up for work, I know then that I still have a good few hours until I need to be ready for work and I can enjoy a bit of 'me' time before I have to commit myself to my job. On days where I wake up to rain I indulge myself in another stimulating activity- avoid staying in bed because though you may feel as though you're doing yourself a favour, you just end up resenting your job for being the soul reason you must drag yourself out of bed. 

• Surround yourself with people who make you happy and bring positivity into your life. There is nothing worse than being trapped in a negative crowd, use the people around you as inspiration, your support net and escape when reality beats you down. I automatically love anyone who can make me laugh, laughing to me, means happiness. Whenever me and my friends spend a day together we use up most of the day laughing and I honestly could not think of a better pass time. 

• Finally, love your surroundings! Love your City, your neighbourhood and your home. And if you don't, then change this! This past year I have found so much I love about Birmingham, the arts and culture, the people and diversity, the events and buildings...ahhh there's just so much! My neighbourhood is surrounded by greenery and the view from my bedroom window overlooks the countryside. I wake up to the sound of birds singing and in the distance I can see the sailing club where the boats sail around the reservoir on a warm summers day. I've decorated my room with my favourite possessions (instead of hiding them away) and I've hung a beautiful canvas of the Brooklyn Bridge above my bed to remind myself that some day I'm going to head off to NYC and discover the many beautiful dimes the city has to offer.

I hope I've given you a little bit of guidance on how to achieve happiness and content, but really the answer lays with you. You always have the power to change and often a little step can go a mile. Take in some of my suggestions and own them, tailor them to fit with your life and I wish you all the best of luck.

Be yourself, life is too short to be anyone else.

Miss Adventure 

x

Just a little pick me up

I sat in bed at almost 4am on a Thursday morning, but I don’t know if I can call it that because I hadn't yet gone to sleep,

I remember three things from that moment: I was angry, inspired…and it was raining so hard, splashes of water crashed against the glass of my window like a hailstorm,

And then in that precise moment…something clicked…an idea was born.

Okay so, you can be angry…but how much change can one emotion bring unless words are put into play,

And you know there was something else I thought about…I didn’t need your help to make it today.

My mother forever rightly reminds me to appreciate all the good an individual does for you,

Which I’m so grateful for because sometimes you let emotions get the better of you,

And you forget the many kind acts they do

And then you realise…your little outburst of anger is through.

Once my red rampant wrath bulldozed against a fighting crash of clarity,

A river of thought flooded over my irrationally raging anatomy.

So what if you don’t believe in me?

Looking back now I can honestly admit I spent far too much time trying to be seen,

I tried so hard to forever prove there were so many ideas locked within me,

Bursting to unravel, if you only saw potential within me

They say I’m not a poet, I’m not a writer, a speaker, performer or an artist

You know, I really don’t care. I’m someone nobody else can be…I’m me.

And that is the card I will always bring to the table, transparent poker faces of those who claim to be more-able,

The skin I wear is not my armour but my identity, and by that I mean…a shield isn’t needed against a common trait known as vanity.

Surrounding yourself with exploding heads isn't necessarily a bad thing

Because when the rest think you've already long lost, nothing stands in the way of you grabbing hold of the win.

You can be amazing…

Now think about is…there are over 7 billion people and none of them are you.

I've never contemplated the significance of that fact

And yet I sat there, almost 4am in my bed on a Thursday evening…morning, unable to stop thinking about that.

You are the protagonist of a story called life,

No matter how successful those around you are…no one but you can play the lead unless you allow them.

Don’t you ever feel second best when it comes to your adventure!

Don’t you ever feel tired of carrying around this heavily constrained socially acceptable persona?

Shred it to pieces and let it burn in the flames fighting fearlessly for a friend called future

Let today be the epic moment where you decide not to leave this world without leaving your mark

Let the realisation that you ARE good enough be your spark

Because I promise, as long as you always try…you will look back with no regrets,

But thinking you’re not important enough to pursue your dreams will be where your journey ends

I stopped typing, contemplating how unintentional thoughts lead me onto this unusual road to self-discovery,

Ambitions have no limit, never stop dreaming, someday you’ll make it…it doesn’t matter if the rest don’t believe it

Holding Hands With Fear

She occasionally day-dreamed. Zoned out, closed her eyes and escaped reality,  

Behind those sealed eyelids she saw black, but she wasn't scared…darkness though still, was safety,

Imagine being a 16 year old afraid of light, imagine looking in a mirror and feeling disgusted by your own sight,

Never a moment silence because daggers that rolled off other tongues, permanently clung on to her memories,

Forever questioning her existence because she was made to believe she wasn't beautiful in the eyes of the society she suffered in,

On the other side of the world a boy, sits locked in a cubicle, because outside the toilet doors a gang await his return,

He’s being tortured for his intelligence, unfortunate to have been born into a world where you are punished for wanting to learn,

There are children who seek a safe place in a classroom, because the corridors are a battle and the playground is a war-zone,

And the heart-breaking fact, is that though there are people here to help, the victims are convinced they are alone,

Stand among a sea of students, shouting cheers of encouragement as the homophobic's attack,

14 year old boy, huddled in a corner, body burnt with bruises, barely breathing between sobs unable to take the packs,

You don’t agree with the unjust punishment but not a word escapes your lips,

You stand frozen watching the innocent take the inhumane kicks,

The red head in class has heard so many jokes her ears begin to bleed,

Rivers of transparent pain, suffocating her confidence but her peers are naive,

Sore screams of laughter echo through the halls as a young girl chases after her headscarf,

Students watching as the offenders run through the corridors, no one flinches to help through their stifling laughs.

Walk beyond the prison walls and the world outside still offers no escape,

Freedom is feeble in a world where technology allows no opportunity to alleviate,

Who ever thought a keyboard could become a weapon, a mouse a trigger to help facilitate…

Bullying is no longer only physical, when social networks encourage users to reciprocate,

 Brutal words released through screens diminishing even the most stable state

Fallen souls losing light, welcoming vengeance but the answer isn't in the hope that roles will rotate,

You are better than the fool who undermines you,

The fact you still wake up every morning shows your purpose is not yet through,

If you don’t believe in yourself no one else is going to,

You can hide away your scars, but you can’t hide behind the truth.

Pick yourself up every time a sad soul knocks you down,

Soon you’ll make a life for yourself away from your dead end town.

Bursting to the brim, with individuals who barely contribute to life,

You’ll already be earning your worth when the rest finally realise…

Being mean will only get you so far,

Their self-destructing flames all starting with a spark,

You are too good for the hand of revenge,

There’s only so long life goes down, before light starts to extend.

You are worth so much more than a pill, a rope, a blade and a tear,

You’ll soon be indestructible now you've stood face to face with a bitch called fear